Dr. Bob's Blog

Our narrative mind thinks in stories, for better and worse.

Each and everyday we are the subject surrounded by the objects of our lives. These in-the-moment tales occupy the mind’s foreground with the plots and scenes of our protagonist identity in everyday life. We plan and problem solve; process and retrieve all in that foreground…we pay our bills, chat with neighbors and curse a red stoplight all in our here and now story. But there is much more to our personal tale than that.

You see, stories also inhabit the vast background of our cognitive life. The background is ground indeed, with stories rooted deeply into the archetypal soils of our psyche and revealed in the quiet moments of the wandering mind. There are stories upon stories all free-associating from one to another: dialogs, monologues, images, memories. Soft daydreams, challenges big and small, even dramas and tragedies propelled by deep emotion. Our tales review many, many yesterdays and countless imagined tomorrows. This mental autobiography of our past and future selves just seems to come from nowhere…and to there it returns. Careful observation shows multiple, simultaneous stories, disconnected narratives in a cacophony of thought. When the foreground recedes, this background naturally comes up to fill that conscious mental space.

Whether foreground or background some storylines invoke jewels of love, compassion, joy or serenity while others do not. These negative ruminations afflict us all and include fears, attachments, aversions and distortions. They often occur in relation to conflict, tension, trauma or depression. What to do?

Foregrounded ruminations could be captured, analyzed for irrationalities and replaced with logical alternatives in various cognitive restructuring strategies. While helpful, these fledgling positive thoughts may be subsumed in the negative stories that undergird them. After all, it is easier and simpler to swap out a thought than a vast storyline. Somehow we must dig into the background and depths of our narrative mind to honestly retell the troublesome, false and irrational scripts that influence our everyday thoughts.

Practice
Some meditation forms relax the storytelling mind. Beginning with acceptance and just noticing the breath. Storylines pass through…and we return to the breath, again and again. There are tiny gaps and even pauses in our narrative streams. It is a good start. And, as we will later discuss, a good finish.

For remediation of these deep, negative storylines, an additional, powerful tool can be brought to bear. We can invoke the ancient Buddhist practice of sending and receiving on behalf of our past and future selves. It is called Tonglen.

This radical practice flies in the face of biologic in-out rhythms for sustenance and breath. After all our life depends upon taking in nutrients and expelling waste. Similarly, for each breath we breathe in oxygen and out carbon dioxide. But this meditation gears all that into reverse as we breathe in the bad, the hot, smoky and toxic…and breathe out the good, the clean, healing and refreshing. Typically and wonderfully this practice is directed toward the aid of others; it can also be directed at our past and future selves. What follows highlights the past, in the form of a Child Self, and the future, in the form of a Dying Self

Imagine this: you sit with a strong erect posture feeling your best Self in the present, the reality of your innate wisdom and compassion, here and now. Feel the vast life-giving Earth below upon which you rest. Then practice this counterintuitive whiff: breathe in the hot, smoky poisons of the World; breathe in our collective greed, hatred and ignorance. Go slow; be wise. It is said the poisons do not get stuck. Take them deeper. See them descending into our compassionate Mother Earth, into the cold, dark soils below where they disperse and nurture new growth. For enduring dreads and atrocities, breathe them deeper down, past the mantle to the fiery core. As if from Shiva’s third eye, let those the flames burn up the poison. Gone. Breathe back to the Earth the jewels of generosity, love and wisdom. Breathe back sunshine, a cool breeze and dogs, tails a wagging.

Pause.

To your left, you visualize a child, your younger self (to start, just at any age that feels right). Next locate a specific negative emotion, often contained in a childhood memory, a story. Lean in to the child’s darkness, heaviness of emotions, tensions and thoughts…and breathe them in, slowly and deeply. As if a loving, brave parent, take on the tears and shames and rages fully. Hold them for a moment, for the child’s pain brings forth the most intimate compassions we could ever know. Now take it deeper, into the Earth, to cold soil or hot core. Gone. And then breathe back to the child the gift of fresh air. Breathe back like a cool breeze with your vow to be mindful- to protect and to nurture that child, always. Finally, exchange smiles, happy tears and love.

Pause.

Next turn your inner gaze to the right. And see yourself in old age, perhaps in sickness. Perhaps near death. Connect to your bravery, to your kindness here and now as you imagine your elder self. Do not look away. As before, breathe in the negative, the regrets, the fear and the resistance-all the way down and into the Earth. Breathe out a basic goodness that has been there all along; what is rational and honest. Breathe in despairs and grudges directed outward and inward, and breathe out forgiveness of others and especially oneself. Breathe in self-judgments and breathe out the karmic wisdom and acceptance of your flawed, wonderful life lived as only you could live it. Breathe in dying aches and pains and breathe out thanks and comfort to this vehicle of blood and bones that carried you every step of the way. Breathe out the radical acceptance of a human life coming to its end, bittersweet, but a jewel all the same. Breathe out integrity. Let go and float. Let go and float.

Pause.

Close as you began with a simple focus on the breath. Allow stories and thoughts to come and go…back to the breath, the here and now. Calming. This simple ending allows these new Tonglen stories to repose and assimilate into our deepest mind.

Over time, our stories retold seem lighter; not so very heavy and hardwired. Poisons recede as Jewels ascend. The child we were and the dying adult we will be receive these new stories with utmost receptivity and gratitude: stories retold in our autobiographical mind.