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“…when discovery and exploration and curiosity become your path – then basically, if you follow your heart, you’re going to find that it’s often extremely inconvenient….”


A well-known Buddhist nun wrote those words. A former teacher, her sentiments are essential to understanding modern life and, as it turns out, current challenges in education.


You see, once there was education, quite different from today, with almost no technology (unless you count reel to reel and overhead projectors). No computers; no big screen at the front of a classroom and no screen on every desk. There were just books and pens and paper and, well, education. It was more the path of discovery, exploration and curiosity. But, that process was demanding, so messy, so time consuming and all together inconvenient. So streamliners emerged and promoted personal computers for all. It was the start of the EdTech revolution. Nobody bothered to figure out its effect on education, but it sure was profitable…and convenient.


Here is another example. College students today cannot quite imagine a college lecture without publisher-produced slides. These polished presentations cram data onto a large screen as the class frantically keyboards it all into notes upon their tiny computer screens. Professors mumble on, only partly heard. You see, slides in many undergraduate courses relate to texts and both come from the same corporate publishing house. Text and slide based lectures tend to have little variation and always the same author perspective. This amounts to an unfortunately narrow view of the subject for both teacher and student. But it is terribly convenient!


Of course, some teachers try to address the problem. They hand out copies of the module slide deck for note-taking (but a slide is still a slide). Some, thank goodness, limit the data presented on each slide into a sleek visual like a Ted Talk. Still, for those of us who remember the pre-slide era, nostalgia rules like the once ubiquitous chalkboard (precursor to the whiteboard). Chalk dust, like a tiny cloud of floating ideas, emanated from intense cracks and scratches at the board. Not static like a slide, the chalkboard allowed for spontaneous contributions by students and new ideas from teachers in real time. Erasure and rewrites were common as was a sudden turn from the board to engage the class. Engagement!


This nostalgic view should be tempered by the fact that some classes then as now were not so good, just as then as well as now, some teachers are not so good. As a famous Buddhist teacher once stated “nostalgia for samsara is full of shit”. Samsara cycles birth, death and rebirth fueled by ignorance. This short essay cannot resist a tangential analogy to that publisher based college course birthing, dying and birthing yet again each semester.


Today colleges face a new temptation for ultimate convenience: artificial intelligence. Looking for short cuts, student’s copy and paste questions and prompts into ChatGPT which generates a discussion reply, essay or term paper…instantly. No thinking required! Similarly, online examinations are completed with near perfection and with elapsed time less than would be required to actually read each test item. This practice appeared to emerge during the Pandemic when education was thrust online with little forethought and no guardrails. Using AI in school became standard practice for many otherwise honest students. So convenient!


The practice continues despite persuasive research findings that show AI use results in student “cognitive off-loading” and a diminishment of critical thinking. After all, learning to write is essential to learning to think. Writing is a primary tool for cognitive development. The struggle for clarity and precision of the written word, for the reasoned argument, is the struggle to become a clear thinker, a critical thinker. But becoming a critical thinker is quite inconvenient.


Most professors lamented AI use among students. Some of them resisted with in class writing or sharing drafts toward a final, original submission. But others rationalized their own use of this tech to produce lecture notes, (sadly) more slides and even as a means to grade papers.


Think of it: An AI generated essay scored by an AI generated rubric. Both students and teachers freed from the learning process at long last. Education had become entirely convenient!


What about the overseers? College Administrators were in a quandary. Long ago, most colleges had adopted a business model for education where students were consumers and the customer is, as they say, always right. Investments were made in great auditoriums and stadiums but mostly toward student convenience. There were trigger warnings and lots of handholding. There were interactive white boards, virtual reality simulations and AI software. Convenience sells.


The administrative goal was to fill seats and generate income. A good chunk of that revenue was devoted to hiring more and more Administrators who were not so much on the side of real teaching and not so much on the side of real learning. Most were, understandably, on the side of the college business model. They believed they could not stop AI use so they hired Consultants to rationalize that AI use in college was actually a very good thing.


But learning grows in the muck of inconvenience. “No Mud, no Lotus” as Thay famously said. Consider again bygone days and how we best learn, digging into research and being challenged by contrary ideas; composing and re-composing a paragraph; even a sentence…or the exquisite agony of finding just the right word.


Groundswell movements emerged to challenge the convenience of technology. Phones were banned in many classrooms. Computers too. Some evidence shows that physical books and handwritten notes foster learning so much better than EdTech. Quiet keyboarding gave way to loud conversation and exploration. Let Them Grow movements arose. Children and teens were persuaded to interact with each other and solve problems without a phone or parental interface…a great prep for higher education and life.


Maybe the chalkboard will make a comeback too.

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(Note: At the airport, flying to see a dear friend in Hospice…then at the Gate, word came in that he had just passed away.)

Airport skies heavy, dark.
Embarking planes rise, and
so dies and rises
my dear friend and brother.

The rain will come behind these tears.
Brokenhearted tears; grateful tears:
His fears of endless awful life
allayed by a final breath.

Keeping death close.
And weeping at the Seattle/Tacoma Gate,
a perfect, fated synchronicity.
Airport anonymity.
Tears at the A-12 Gate,
this gateless Gate,
this gone beyond:

Gate gate paragate
parasamgate.

Bodhi svaha,
My old friend.

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Children talk it up when seeking a path out of responsibility, post-infraction. There flows a river of forgetting, not-knowing (the rule), blaming others, and all manner of excuses based on “the dog ate my homework”. Our social order necessitates life lessons to ameliorate this universal shortcoming. Sometimes scoldings and punishment seem like the reasonable intervention. And sometimes they are.

But if we fail to kindly take the child’s side as we deliver a strong life lesson, the negative affect is retained and the lesson is lost. Think of it this way: loss of a driving privilege may be the ideal consequence for breaking curfew with the family car. But if delivered with parental anger and attitude, there is no learning except “my parents are jerks (or a more colorful expletive)”. Besides, when delivering an agreed upon (think “behavioral contract”) punishment, there is no better time to take the kid’s side: “I am sorry you got home so late: no driving this weekend but you get a fresh start next week and i know you can do better”. After all, in a family shouldn’t we all be on each others side?

Of course, too often we are crazed in opposition to each other. We over-ameliorate irresponsibility, this very human flaw.

Parents blame children for these derelictions. Think of it: a child blames a sibling, then a parent blames the child for wrongly blaming a sibling. The immature schema of blame is never replaced by its mature alternative, responsibility. The starting point of this essay.

When blame dominates a family system, self-blame is inevitable. Unkind punishments from without become self-attacks from within: I am bad, no good, unworthy, even worthless. Ruminations tear at us and tear down ego-structure. We develop mistrust, shame, doubt, guilt, inferiority, and overwhelming confusion. In this instance, personal responsibility fades into the distance as self-blame gobbles up the territory of our everyday life. Children (and adults) become self-piteous, powerless excuse-makers.

Instead, lessons of responsibility are better taught as empowerments: the ability to respond to circumstance. Those lessons run deep and deserve a family dialog that illuminates the causes and effects of our mistakes, even (and especially) those with harm done. No blame. After all, there are always reasons for human behavior and if we are to grow it is imperative to understand them.

Responsibility: Reasons, but no excuses!

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A trip to the Cooperstown Hall promotes fame and nostalgia in the world of baseball.  Here we will consider fame and nostalgia from another point of view.

Specifically, imagine a place where our very best teachers were honored and permanently housed: The Teacher Hall Of Fame. For many years, college students in human development class were asked to make their nominations to the Hall and explain why the accolade should be bestowed. Such an exercise inspired mild interest if not enthusiasm.

So to warm up to the activity, students were first asked to nominate their very worst teachers to the Teacher Hall Of Infamy. Such catharsis! Hurts, resentments and grudges carried through the decades propelled each nominee: A fourth grade teacher who expertly shamed nine year olds into compliance; A second grade teacher with parts of a fifth grade math curriculum, freezing over the brains of little seven year olds, and adding a dollop of shame (“he even makes his 8’s backwards”); high school teachers of history and literature who droned and drained the life out of the grandest and most horrific tales of fact and fiction. So much of this was like a classroom bloodletting ceremony followed by a curriculum burial. Masters of humiliation, these teachers could sniff out children with no answer to a question and put them on center stage.

And of course, there were the corporal punishment purveyors who rapped tiny knuckles and left no marks.

For many in the human development class, these unforgotten times seemed like a lonely one-off. Many asked “Am I the only one”, only to discover the universality of those awful, awful school days. Then the question would arise: just why were these teachers so bad?

Initial guesses targeted the character and substance of each instructor which fell on a continuum from bad to evil to “better talk about this after class”. But more informed ideas emerged. These teachers did not understand the age-related, psychosocial import of autonomy, initiative, competence and identity. Instead they controlled the classroom by invoking their toxic opposites: shame, guilt, inferiority and identity diminishment.

This all out failure to understand what kids feel was complicated by a failure to understand how kids think. Looking back, many human development students felt misunderstood as kids, with lessons either above or below their cognitive sweet spot. And by the way, how did teachers make The Big Bang boring?

Very young children think in pre-logic like little space cadets for whom the world is magic. Teachers who squelch fantasy in the name of yet to be formed logic harm mind and spirit. By seven or so kids begin to reason concretely: concrete logic…”the early bird, catches the worm” is the tale of a hungry bird! Only later, does abstract reasoning develop…the benefits of good starts and early rising.

Hall Of Infamy nominees failed to understand cognitive processes and that made children feel frustrated, bored and stupid. As adults studying psychosocial and cognitive theory, many students reported the mental calm that comes with a deeper understanding of what happened in those classrooms of old.

That set the stage for the Teacher Hall Of Fame. After the infamous, the Fame nominees were accompanied by stories of laughter and gratitude and praise. The second grade teacher who taught arithmetical borrowing with flair, “they thought I borrowed one cup of sugar but it was eleven cups…Ha!” There was a teacher of social studies, a thespian of an instructor, who impersonated every single one of the famous explorers. And the athletic coach who taught unrecognized at the time life lessons of focus and grit, that were deeply appreciated in subsequent years. There was the teacher that stayed after school with patience and kindness to help with reading.

These teachers understood what the Philosopher meant by “the highest state that can be attained is wonder”. After all, before developing hypotheses, testing them, drawing conclusions and dissemination, before all of that, comes a question, a state of not knowing. Such a state is not a sin as those awful teachers claimed but instead, the beginning of knowledge. The know-it-all-mind has no room for knowledge to enter. Curiosity must be fostered; no bad questions…

Blessings from so many past teachers. Send one a letter; make a call; have a visit. Join with them and celebrate in that Hall Of Fame.

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Riding that pale blue dot.
Yet got a flat earth feeling
with a wish for solid ground.
Just a clown, a root bound
pretender.

Sometimes I know better.
With every sit asserting
the open, uncertain space,
the face before parents
and the pause between breaths.
Where our deaths and the great emptiness reside,
inside.
And out.

Riding that pale blue dot.
My last breath ahead and that first one, so far behind me.
Cultivating everyday illusions,
and grandiose delusions
of you and me and our permanence.

Sometimes I know better
and weather the ride
till I know, really know.
As the great Sage knew.
That we are everything and nothing,
dot riders always,
in love and in wisdom,
and into that Kingdom Come.

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Long ago an Indian Sage offered up some wisdom into an age-old philosophical dilemma: free will versus determinism.

Most of us enjoy the day-to-day experience of freedom as we choose the time we rise, our fare for breakfast and the route to work or school. Sometimes the multitude of choices may even overwhelm. Consider breakfast and the over-stocked cereal isle at the grocery store-Frosted Flakes or Frosted Mini Wheats? Sometimes, we just choose none of the above.

We also choose our friends and relationships; we choose our career paths and our politics. We become upset, and sometimes choose to lash out and even harm others. Most would agree that we make these decisions and are responsible for them.

But are we truly free? Some behaviorists argue for the profound effects of the environment to influence, if not determine, our actions. And some proponents of biological determinism posit that our physical and mental selves are a function of the physical body and hereditary traits. These influences of nurture and nature, respectively, are briefly mentioned here to set the scene for that Sage cited above.

The karmic principle of cause and effect was central to this Wise Man’s analysis and it aligns with determinism. By this spiritual concept, our seeming choices for setting the alarm, picking breakfast foods and driving routes are not choices at all but an expression of the thousands if not millions of factors that preceded those actions: “everything is predetermined”. Harms to others are an expression of this principle too. Referring to the everyday experience of me as the Ego, one could thus imagine an egoic being, predestined by its nurture/nature past, while just imagining a life of free will. Our suffering emanates from this core delusion. If I am free and do these harms I must be bad. If you are free and do these harms you must be bad. All is unforgivable.

But suppose our nature is two fold. There is the Ego, an expression of nurture and nature, conditioned by both with the illusion of free will. And there is a Self, or Soul or Buddha Nature which exists without encumbered conditioning and in perfect understanding and freedom. Identification with the former invokes a path of suffering; of guilt and grudge, of karma. Identification with the latter is to awaken to that sacred space of freedom and responsibility.

Note the irony. The conditioned and predestined Ego while un-free suffers the illusion of freedom. Our failure to understand that we are all the effect of a myriad of causes promotes endless fault-finding; blame and self-blame. On the other hand, The Self, free by its very nature, is unconditioned and embodies wisdom and compassion. From that perspective, there is deep understanding of the Ego predicament and tenderness over the pain of grudge, resentment and unforgivable acts.

Most of us occupy that Ego space a lot with an occasional glimpse into our True Nature as we experience a little freedom. But maybe that’s enough to understand that somehow we are both free and determined. These experiences are compatible-the compatibilist view. In that space, the free will illusion starts to recede. We begin to understand that the messes of life are karmic and nobody’s fault. In some sense, we all have done what we were destined to do. Nobody’s fault. In and from that space, we all might release and be released from past transgressions. This fragile insight comes and goes at first. The fault-finding Ego is unsatisfied, with last gasps to never pardon and forever condemn self and others.

We persevere and continue to cultivate those synergistic qualities of wisdom and compassion. We contemplate these elements; we chew and swallow the sacrament. Cause and effect wobbles; conditioning corrects to mere ethers. The Old Sage smiles.

We arrive without baggage at the forgiveness impasse again, and prepare to conquer it. But then the unexpected- All causes and effects have disappeared into the Self where the Truth is suddenly upon us. The Truth is that each of us has been natured and nurtured and acted as only we could all our lives. And in this brief, bright moment we understand. No blame.

There is nothing more to do. We are, all of us, already forgiven.

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Road rage rages and simple selfish behaviors spew from behind the wheel of those anonymous, 4000-pound hunks of steel, aluminum and plastic. The American Roadway Experience!

Little needs to be written here to explain the challenges of driving in the Twenty-First Century. From adolescence, we all know the stress and madness, and what it’s like to negotiate those frenetic streets and freeways. But, what might we do about it?

First, let’s explore the anonymity of the vehicle itself. We drive and necessarily do not and cannot examine every face and spirit around us. Instead, we see ourselves surrounded, not by fellow sentients, but by soulless machines, completely dehumanized. This kind of cultivated dehumanization is a prerequisite to violence, going to war and other atrocities. Hand me the keys! What could possibly go wrong?

Plenty.

Thank God for the bumper-sticker meditation: “you are not stuck in traffic; you are traffic”. Like a Recovery Program, this is our first step. Powerless over traffic. Not separate from traffic, just part of the situation. We could abandon the delusion that all other drivers are inferior relative to own superb abilities and relax.

Relaxation could begin at every Red Light. Red Light Buddha. Too often, a Red Light is taken as a personal affront; intentional sabotage of our trip or commute. Instead, imagine it signals, like the meditation bell, pure possibility: Focus on the breath, or maybe a mantra, or how about a favorite prayer. Practice. We know we are making progress when there is a slight disappointment as the light turns green. If struggles remain, don’t fret…there will soon be another Red Light opportunity.

Another form of practice presents itself in gridlock. It is customary to aggress during congestion, fighting for every inch of highway. There is the deep commitment to let no car move in front of us, ever. Instead, try another deep breath and kindly gesture (you know which one) for that nice lady or gentleman to merge in front of you…and smile. Fake it till you make it!

More seriously…Stalls and accidents back up traffic. The EMT unit arrives and passers-by alternate between gawking and cursing the delay. If there is such a thing as negative energy, gawks and curses may be more poisonous than tailpipe emissions. Alternatively, pause to truly see the person in harms way. Imagine it to be someone you love… and love this stranger. Send prayers. May they be free from suffering.

No discussion of traffic would be complete without a review of parking lot customs. Searching for a parking space, seeing one, only to have it stolen before we arrive. Thief! As an experiment, drive slowly through the lot and graciously offer a space that rightfully belongs to you (first dibs). Generosity in the parking lot takes a little effort but like most forms of giving, it bestows grace upon giver and recipient. And on a near full parking lot day, try reversing the plan. Don’t seek the closest space to your destination. Find one far away with easy access.  Enjoy a comfortable parking experience followed by a brisk, healthy walk!

And invite Red Light Buddha everywhere and always.

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The delight of shared opinion has long occupied minds everywhere. Discussion and debate can be intellectually vigorous, emotionally rewarding and just plain fun. Yet, as we examine relatively recent innovations of social media, something has happened to those good debates of old. They now seem more shrill, divisive and mean-spirited than ever. And, truthfully, this post adds just one more opinion on the heap…but please read on.

Of course, we must not succumb to the false nostalgia of some good old days of argued ideas. Let’s stipulate that opposing opinions have had their downside for as long as humankind has held them. After all, one could cite the history of warfare across centuries as an example of opinion and disagreement degrading to savagery. And, mournfully, there is no shortage of armed conflict to this very day.

But our current time and technology has added some new and performative twists to opinions expressed.  There is political theater with more bombast than substance; (sometimes empty headed) influencers and podcasters; X and Facebook, and opinions so pervasive, dark and fact-free that one must sometimes run for cover. Meditation recommended.

Before you grab your cushion, a couple of additional observations. The place to start looking at opinions is always with our own. Bias around confirmation is that trickiest of inputs where we screen out opposing views and welcome views that pat our own on the back. None of us has completely conquered self-deception, and those who think they have may be the biggest nitwits of all.

Young kids may be an exception to the problem of opinion. Children represent both the ultimate in egocentricity and innocence. True, that a preschooler knows a lot about me and “mine” (every other object is mine) in their sensory-based world. But it is also true that their purity of opinion can shine forth. What the pre-logical mind lacks in factual discourse is more than made up for by the most holy form of sincerity. See child opinions on Good and Evil; Santa and Monsters, respectively.

The rest of us could exercise some introspection and consider opinion corrupted by three factors: the poisons of Buddhist philosophy.

First reflect upon the greed of opinion as we collect and covet our own, like some miser and a pile of (fools) gold. We squeeze our views with such attachment that counterviews are not entertained except to double-down on our own beliefs. We become not so interested in understanding the other and obsess on the demand, “goddamit, understand ME”.

Next, observe the ill-will of opinion as we put forth our own with frustration, hostility and even hatred toward opposing ideas and the people that hold them. Grimacing countenance, tone of voice and that tight gut-feeling signal our indulgence of aversion toward others.

Finally, take note of the ignorance of opinion too often held with a complete lack of humility. We have to be right in relation to the wrong of the other guy. Imagine the vastness of viewpoints and the tiny, tiny speckle that represents our own. There is a lot we could learn from each other.

Remedy starts with mindful awareness and a life-long self-assessment of points of view. Where we see our own greed, we might bring the generosity of opinion and the suspension of judgment. This is not to retreat to eternal people-pleasing, but instead to fully listen, welcome and appreciate others and their thoughts. In the words from The Prayer Of St. Francis, we could seek less to be understood and more to understand. In fact, the entire prayer goes a long way toward informing the generosity of opinion.

Next, reflect on ill-will and opinion. It is stunning to let that in: a few cacophonous hours of the evening opinion/news, social media or even a family gathering will do. We are tasked with releasing our own aversions and, per that Priere pour la paix, invoking a little kindness and peace. And at that contentious family event, maybe a little love.

Lastly, take a deep breath to appreciate that we occupy Sagan’s tiny pale blue dot and yet suffer the delusion that our own ideas fill the universe. A little humility and with that, a dollop of wisdom, please.

Many of these ideas are not new and some of them are better expressed elsewhere. The Mindfulness Trainings of Thich Nhat Hanh are a good place to pause our attention. Thay’s teaching on the non-attachment to views and deep listening to others are a kind of salve to opinion gone bad.

Now, jump on that cushion.

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Across cultures and time, the family unit has delivered support, well-being, sustenance and security. More or less.


Much has been written about those positives and those negatives. Here, consider a particular negative quality and what might be done about it. Specifically and ironically let’s highlight that sometimes families less resemble the virtue of Sunday School and look more like like the antagonisms of Sunday Football.


That is to say, each family member becomes a team onto itself, competing against, even antagonizing the other: parent against parent, sibling fighting sib, children against parents and parents opposing their own kids. Strategies and alliances develop as one parent sides with one child against the other parent. Or the time honored tradition of a child splitting parental authority, going to Dad for some perks and Mom for others. Me-against-you is a model for the art of war, but not for the art of love.


What is going on? After all, should not the family be for the other members? Why do they so often (angrily) oppose one another? Let’s examine that question.


Imagine this: husband and wife, with a complete lack of humility, debate details of a shared responsibility (something monumental like who took out the garbage last). Each falsely believes that their own memory of the chore is a flawless video recoding of the event: It is definitely your turn! Research on memory suggests that while we are certain of our facts, all of us have a sometimes biased and often inaccurate recollection of events. Remembering that, partners could get a little less haughty, calm down a bit…and flip a coin. And by the way, it is never about the garbage!


We could pause any conflict and the earlier the better. Instead, we might give understanding a try. Not “dammit I don’t understand you” but with utmost sincerity, curiosity and kindness, “I really want to understand you”. Not just the words, but voice tone, countenance and breath. No huffing or puffing, just nice even breath. After all, there may be nothing more debilitating than to feel misunderstood by someone you love.


Parents teach their children everyday. There is modeling and instruction, sometimes softly and sometimes with a firm NO. Avoid creating a me- against-you moment. For example, not caring for the DVD collection could merit a required clean up and consequence: no videos today. But watch that delivery here too. Relax the frustration and edge, because children feel your feelings more than your words. Deliver these consequences with diplomacy and compassion: “no videos today, that will be hard…I hope you will do better tomorrow”. After all, when kids goof up, besides a lesson they need to know mom or dad is on their side.


Being a frustrated parent is hard but not an excuse to blow off steam at the expense of a child. That kind of catharsis is selfish- it might give a parent relief, but we have to do better. Instead, run around the block or chop wood or carry water. Invite the calm and then talk with your kid.


Parents could use the exercise.

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Let go and float
Let go and float

The autumn hymn
For dim days and each and every dying leaf.

Wind and rain, all push and pound and pull
A leaf, once fully tree,
then fully not.

Clinging? No. Just stemming,
just holding that branch
till perfect release,
decrepitude and peace.

Let go and float
Let go and float

Alight upon ground or grass.
Or road and tire-squashed.
Washed by rain or raked
In blessed decomposition!

Join soil and water.
Feed earth
and seed.
Take root again
In some future fall,
On some future tree,

A dying leaf.

Let go and float
Let go and float

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